I kicked open the door of the most brightly-lit building in Goldenrod City and shouted "Bring on the Miltank, Whitney, 'cause you're about to get utterly devastated!"
I kicked open the door of the most colorful building in Goldenrod City and shouted "Bring on the Miltank, Whitney, 'cause I'm gonna Rollout right on through you!"
That last guy felt so sorry for me that he gave me a free bike.
I kicked open the door of the building that the bike shop owner told me was Goldenrod City Gym and shouted "Bring on the Miltank, Whitney, 'cause we're about to kick your ass!"
In retrospect it's probably a good thing that I got some rehearsal in beforehand.
"Hi! I'm Whitney!" exclaimed the pink-haired harbinger of doom.
"Hi, I'm your worst nightmare."
"Everyone was into Pokemon, so I got into it too!"
"You've only played Pokemon Go, haven't you?"
"Pokemon are super cute!"
"Look, I don't want to get all hipstery on you, but I really did like Pokemon before it was this popular."
"You want to battle?"
"Not especially, but I need to beat you so I can get a dang watering can so I can move on to Ecruteak City."
"I'm warning you-I'm good!"
"So the memes have said. Bring it!"
Knowing that the behemoth of legend would not be sent out first, I opened the battle with Flint to conserve my stronger Pokemon's energy and so that my Exeggcute could eventually set the stage for the Miltank's downfall with its Leech Seed and Reflect. Whitney's opening Pokemon was her Clefairy.
We started out strong. Flint shored up her defenses with Reflect while continuously sapping away Clefairy's health with Leech Seed. This combination meant Whitney's Pokemon had a difficult time even dealing enough damage to dent us. Together we even managed to force Whitney into wasting one of her valuable Super Potions on her Clefairy rather than her Miltank. Flint and I had this matchup in the bag until a random number generator came up from behind and mercilessly beat my Exeggcute to death.
Clefairy used Metronome, the attack that turns into a random other attack. And of the 467 possible moves that Metronome could have turned into that turn, it became Megahorn, the 120 base power Bug-type move that deals 4x damage to Grass/Psychic types. It is, statistically, the worst possible move that could have been selected by Metronome at that time. Coupled with Megahorn's 85% hit rate, the odds of Flint being hit by Megahorn that turn were approximately 0.182013%. And yet it happened. I didn't even need to see the HP bar to know what happened.
"Flint, no!" I cried in desperation as my precious Exeggcute went sunny side up. All this planning, all this preparation. It was futile. This was Whitney. This was destruction.
"Newcraig, crush her!"
Filled with a rage rivaling mine, Newcraig finished off her Clefairy with his Magnitude. Whitney withdrew her fainted Clefairy and sent out what we've all been waiting for: Miltank.
Her Miltank charged in for a Stomp, but the Quick Claw I had given Newcraig ahead of time activated, allowing him to execute a Magnitude before Whitney's Pokemon could go for the flinch. The Quick Claw activated again the next turn, and her Pokemon's health was down to the yellow. But that's when horrific pink hearts began floating around my Geodude. Attract.
I stood back in dismay the next several turns as I watched Newcraig take Stomp after Stomp while incapable of pushing past that bovine monstrosity's feminine wiles. I clenched my fists so hard that my palms would have bled if I didn't take such consistently good care of my fingernails.
"Look at Flint, Newcraig!" I barked. "Look at her and fight!"
My words shook Newcraig out of his trance and he smashed the floor with his fist to create the strongest Magnitude I had ever seen. When the dust settled I saw a defeated Miltank.
"Oh, just shut up and give me my badge," I demanded. I didn't have time for this whole listening to her cry then walking away for awhile then coming back then finally getting the badge crap. I had a friend to bury.
Solemnly, my party and I walked to the Pokemon Center where I performed the ritual of releasing Flint's spirit. I think my Pokemon were disturbed by how naturally the process came to me.
To be continued...
Read the rest of ActionJ4ck's Jacklocke challenges here.