“Fwahahaha! A mere child like you dares to challenge me? The very idea makes me shiver with mirth!”
“Look, Koga, I just broke my nose like five times on those stupid invisible walls of yours. Can we just get this over with so I can go the hospital? I’m running out of tissues.”
“Very well, I shall show you true terror as a ninja master.”
“If you’re anything like the ninjas in Naruto, I suppose that means you’re about to talk and flashback my Pokemon to death.”
“Poison brings steady doom. Sleep renders foes helpless. Despair to the creeping horror of Poison-type Pokemon!”
“Are you aware that there are more Psychic-type Pokemon in your gym than Poison-type Pokemon?”
That’s not an exaggeration. Count them.
“Whatever. Go, Hachiko!”
Hachiko downed his Koffing without any problems, but I was forced to switch him out when Koga’s Muk landed a powerful Sludge attack and poisoned him. I switched to Wumbo, who managed to pull off a paralyses on a Body Slam, but Koga healed off the damage with a Hyper Potion. In the end it didn’t matter though, because Wumbo squashed the pile of sludge again two turns later. Next came another Koffing, so I swapped Wumbo for Leviathan. Leviathan out-matched the little gas ball, but between the Koffing inflicting poison and Koga repeatedly healing off damage, I had to switch to Craig to finish it off. But then Craig got poisoned. And missed his Rock Blast. Twice. Though Craig still managed to finish off the Koffing, it was less than the clean sweep I was hoping for. He only managed to land one attack on Koga’s Weezing before I had to withdraw him in favor of Wumbo again. Weezing and Wumbo traded blows a few times, and Wumbo came out on top.
I got my Soul Badge and skedaddled off to the nearest hospital to get my nose reassembled. While I waited for the doctor to come and turn my disfigured ugly nose back into my regular ugly nose, I checked GameFAQs to find out where I should go next. Apparently I was supposed to resist the urge to ride my awesome sea serpent all the way to Cinnabar Island in favor of returning to Saffron City. Since I would hate to make GameFAQs a liar, I decided to head back north as soon as my hospital visit was over.
I biked up Route 17, which was a significantly more tiresome trip than biking down, only pausing twice to catch my breath and flip off the group of punks that Hachiko burned to a crisp two days ago. Finally I made it back to Celedon City and noticed that they were now in the process of rebuilding the gym that Hachiko also burned to a crisp. You may be noticing a pattern here. I then proceeded to enter into Saffron City by bribing the city gate’s guard with some scalding tea and a Hustler magazine that I found in the trash at Lt. Surge’s gym. I knew that thing would come in handy.
I assumed there must have been an Evanescence concert going on, because the place was littered with people dressed entirely in black.
My suspicions were confirmed when I noticed the big red “R” on all their chests, which were obviously references to Rocky Gray, Evanescence’s drummer from 2003 to 2006. Ignoring them, I headed up to the Saffron City gym, burst through the doors, and loudly declared that I was here to kick some butt.
I was later embarrassed to find out that this building was, in fact, not Saffron City Gym. Luckily though, I think that they were more embarrassed about this fact than I was. Apparently they once tried to be Saffron’s official Pokemon gym until Sabrina and her cronies walked over and slapped them around a bit and took their title from them. They were even so worried about me taking their emblem that they offered me one of their Pokemon instead. My choices were this weird boxing thing with Dragon Ball Z shoulder pads…
and what was basically a thumb with a set of Slinkys for arms and legs.
“Um, no thanks, I’d rather have the Lapras later,” I said to the confused karate master as I left his dojo.
To be continued...
Read the rest of ActionJ4ck's Jacklocke challenge here.