Tuesday, September 20, 2016

FireRed Jacklocke Part 13

After pawning off that stupid Silph Scope and a borderline-dangerous amount of my blood, I finally managed to obtain what I most desired in this world: the TM that would turn Hachiko into the destructive flame-spewing hellhound that I always dreamed he could be.

As Hachiko and I sauntered into Celadon City Gym, I noticed a rather scummy-looking old man peering into the building through a ground-level window. He turned to me and with an extraordinarily creepy grin and said, “Heheh! This gym is great! It’s full of women!”

“Yeah dude, so is the world,” I replied before muttering the word “pervert” under my breath.

The perv wasn’t joking though. I hadn’t come across a cloud of perfume this thick since I walked past the front of a sorority house during rush week at the local university. Hachiko and I coughed, hacked, and Flamethrowered our way through the musky amalgam of perfumes whose prices had no doubt been severely marked up by the Celadon Department Store. By the time we finally made our way to Erika, the gym leader, my Growlithe and I were both blinded and I was probably not far from experiencing an asthma attack. In fact, the only way that I could even tell I had found the gym leader was because she started speaking to me right away.

“Hello…Lovely weather, isn’t it?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny that due to the unrelenting stinging sensation in my eyes right now.”

“It’s so pleasant…”

“How can you people stand to be in here?”

“…Oh, dear…I must have dozed off.”

“I’m sure that’s just some sort of high due to suffocation. In fact, I think I’m starting to feel it too.”


“Hi. Can we can this over with before I pass out?”

“My name is Erika. I am the leader of Celadon Gym.”

“As the leader, do you by any chance have control of the ventilation system here?”

“I am a student of the art of flower arranging.”

“At what college?"

“My Pokemon are solely of the grass type.”

“Great, then you are in for a treat."

“…Oh, I’m sorry, I had no idea that you wished to challenge me.”

“Do you think I came because I enjoy permanent lung damage?”

“Very well, but I shall not lose.”

So long story short, Hachiko couldn’t hit anything with his Flamethrower because he was blinded, and now Celadon City Gym is burned down. But I still got my Rainbow Badge.

It was then that my journey reached an impasse in the form of a big, fat sleeping bear. I politely poked it in the belly and said aloud “My sincerest apologies, Mr. Snorlax, but it appears as though you have fallen comatose in a rather inconvenient location for those of us who are striving to become Pokemon League champions. Would you be so kind as to remove your hefty body from the road and find yourself a different, likely more comfortable, resting ground elsewhere?”

Since he did not awaken, I decided to take a less civilized approach and jump on his stomach to awaken him. This attempt did not have the intended effect, as I bounced off his bulbous belly like a taut trampoline and crashed into the ground with a crude thud.

“Well this is woefully inconvenient.”

To be continued…

Read the rest of ActionJ4ck's Jacklocke challenge here.

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