Friday, August 5, 2016

Pokemon FireRed Jacklocke Part 1

Pokemon FireRed Jacklocke Part 1

Good evening, and welcome to the world of Hell. I mean Pokemon. Welcome to the world of Nuzlocke Pokemon, which is effectively Hell. Now you may be curious as to why I would subject myself to the emotional damage and time-consuming grinding that so often go hand-in-hand with Nuzlocke Pokemon, and the answer is quite simple. For you. I do this for you, so that you may read my story, laugh, and think to yourself “Wow, I’m glad I’m not that guy.” Just like my high school classmates used to do. But before we begin, I will outline the rules of the Jacklocke (see rule 1) below.

The Gist of It:
1.       All instances of the word “Nuzlocke” will be replaced by the word “Jacklocke”, because everything is better with Jack shoehorned into it.
2.       Only the first eligible wild Pokemon encountered in each area may be caught.
3.       If a Pokemon faints, it is considered dead and must be released.
4.       All Pokemon must be nicknamed.
5.       Black out = Game Over.

For those who are picky about rules. Skip this if you are easily bored and/or distracted. But I suppose if you are still reading at this point, then you are probably not either of those:
6.       The challenge commences upon receiving the Pokedex.
7.       In-game trades are allowed only if the Pokemon being traded for would be the first Pokemon encountered in the area.
8.       Trading with other games is only allowed for the purposes of evolving a Pokemon and immediately trading it back.
9.       The Masterball cannot be used.
10.   If a Pokemon encountered in an area is one that has already been caught (defined by being registered in the Pokedex), it is not considered eligible.
11.   If multiple Pokemon are encountered at once (like in a horde battle or dark grass), I may choose only one of the Pokemon to capture.
12.   Gift Pokemon are counted as wild Pokemon, and therefore can only be accepted if they would be the first wild Pokemon encountered in that area.
13.   Static Pokemon are only eligible they will be the first Pokemon encountered in that area.
14.   Non-static shiny Pokemon are always eligible.
15.   Eggs are counted as wild Pokemon and are considered to be encountered in the area in which they are received.
16.   The Day Care may be used, however eggs cannot be accepted from it.
17.   If an HM move is required to progress through the game, and no currently owned Pokemon can learn that HM move, rule 2 can be broken in order to obtain a Pokemon capable of learning this move. Any Pokemon obtained this way may not participate in any battle.
18.   If a specific Pokemon is required to be caught in order to progress through the game, rule 2 does not apply.

             And now, we begin. It is my hope that you enjoy this more than I do.

I opened my eyes and was immediately asked if I am a boy or girl. That is not a good start, as question sequences like these tend to end in me having to turn my head and cough while a stranger cups…stuff. True to my suspicions, an elderly man in lab coat appeared in front of me, and things only get more personal from there. I told Professor Oak that I am a boy and my name is Jack. Oak then asked me what the name of his own grandson is, causing me to seriously question the credibility of his PhD degree. Rather than taking the immature route and naming my soon-to-be-rival “Butts”, I decided to go with the vastly more sophisticated “Buttocks”.  Unfortunately, “Buttocks” did not fit in the character limit, so I was forced to go with “Buttock”. I assume that means he is a single cheek? Not important. I then woke up in my bedroom and my adventure begins.

After attempting to leave my hometown (as any sensible 10-year old would do) I was brought to the aforementioned pseudo-professor’s lab to select the first Pokemon that will accompany me on my adventure. After carefully considering my choice for two and a half seconds, I selected Bulbasaur as my first partner due to my affinity for both the color green and things that nobody likes. I chose to name him Bacchus after the Roman god of wine, which I imagine I will need quite a bit of when this cute little guy dies. As one might expect of a boy named Buttock, Buttock immediately chose the Pokemon with a type advantage over mine and promptly challenged me to a Pokemon battle, which I easily…lost due to a critical hit. Well, shit.

Luckily for me, according to rule 6 (which I’m sure you read because you have such a long attention span) the Jacklocke challenge does not officially commence until I receive my Pokedex. Regardless, this was a less than stellar start. Bacchus and I had to have to have a long talk about his impending death. I’m sure he was receptive, as I’ve heard plant-lizard hybrids excel at understanding philosophical principles concerning mortality. Perhaps my lesson distracted Bacchus too much, because we also lost to the first Pidgey (level 5) that we encountered together on Route 1. Praise the sun for rule 6. After running home to my mother and asking her to heal my booboos, Bacchus and I set out to face our next foe, a level 4 Rattata, whom we defeated by 2 Hit Points. Baby steps, I suppose.

After finally making the gruesome trek from Pallet Town to Viridian City, I was immediately asked to turn around and take a package back to the place I just came from by a store clerk who clearly had no idea how many times I whited out just to get this far. I took my sweet time returning to Professor Oak’s lab, thoroughly milking the sweet sweet benefits of rule 6, which has quickly become my favorite of all the rules. But these training wheels would soon be yanked from my bicycle, for the package that I delivered to Professor Oak was actually the last piece needed for his invention and my curse: the Pokedex. With Pokedex in hand, I headed to the gates of Pallet town with Bacchus. We looked to each other and nodded. The Jacklocke had now truly begun.

To be continued...

Read the rest of ActionJ4ck's Jacklocke challenge here.

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